Bondage and discipline process: Fiancée was jealous when her partner had sex with others

“It wasn't like they planned to spend the rest of their lives together,” she said.

The court had previously heard that her fiancé had met the women on Tinder and that the trio were all interested in BDSM. He is now accused of strangling them both and assaulting them with intent to harm them.

The two women said they did not consent to being strangled until they lost consciousness, but the man said the incidents described never took place.

His fiancée, testifying for the defense, was questioned about an incident at a post-Covid party at a downtown apartment that the man and one of the plaintiffs operated as a venue for sex workers and sex parties.

The plaintiff had previously stated in court that she saw the man abuse his fiancée at the party and drag her out of the room. She further claimed that the woman had told her before she arrived that she had been taking medication and that the man had withheld the anti-anxiety medication from his fiancée.

The fiancée denied these allegations, but admitted that she cried towards the end of the evening because she was drunk and became emotional while talking about their relationship.

Prosecutor Tim Bain said the plaintiff had expressed concerns during a conversation that same evening that her relationship with the man was different from what her fiancée had assumed.

The woman agreed that polyamory – a non-monogamous relationship – was discussed, but said the plaintiff did not express any concerns to her.

But the court heard that the conversation remained on hold and the woman's fiancé sent a text message in August saying:

“Damn, I finally figured this shit out and came to terms with myself, and then things changed.”

She admitted that this was because her fiancé was having sex with other people, which made her insecure and jealous.

She told the court that a “scene” she and the man filmed with the second plaintiff was the first time another woman had participated.

She admitted that she felt insecure and anxious because it was a new experience for her, but said she got used to it.

“Our bond has become stronger,” she said.

The second plaintiff had previously told the court that she had broken off contact with the man after receiving numerous messages from his partner and learning that he was allegedly hurting other women.

However, the fiancée said she remembers sporadic interactions with the woman on social media. She said she had no concerns for her well-being and that the couple had been open about their interactions with other people.

However, she said the case had been on their minds for four years.

“Because of these allegations, we were excluded from many of our community groups, unfortunately we withdrew and started other ventures,” she said.

When asked by Bain whether the events of the past four years had influenced her experiences and her testimony in court, the woman denied this and said she was confident in her testimony.

Bain also said that only through him could the woman find out what had happened between her fiancé and the two women. The fiancée replied: “I could talk to them.”

Tomorrow, the prosecution and defense will make their closing arguments before Judge Bruce Davidson gives his verdict to the jury on Thursday.

Catherine Hutton is a reporter for Open Justice based in Wellington. She has worked as a journalist for 20 years, including for the Waikato Times and RNZ. Most recently she worked as a media adviser in the Ministry of Justice.